apologize

I know I made mistakes. Some big mistakes and thats what I am paying for now. I know I am responsible for my situation. I accept all my mistakes. I dont know how am gonna survive in this guilt and sorrow and how long am gonna go. I have no clue about what life I am living right now and what m gonna live tomorrow. I am just being flown by the winds. I am so much confused or I guess I am not confused but I am not thinking about anything at all. I find myself weak. So weak to take decisions of my own life. And I am not sure about the reason behind this weakness… Am I weak because of that incidence? Am I weak because I drink till I get washed out? Am I weak as I dont care about me and my life?. I find myself so selfish. Selfish is the only word I hated always. And now its so frequent that I find myself so much selfish. I live in a life with no reality. And like that… Being drunk is all I care about. And than the ‘nasha’ keeps me in my illusanary life. And when I come out I feel tthe real world so much lost. As I am not a part of this world. As if I don’t belong to this world. This world where my parents live. Where my friends and relative are. I find this world so annoying. So much unknown. As I never knew this world. I seek for drinks so that I can go back to my world. The world where I am free to do any thing. In this world I find myself so much bound.. I feel like I am in a cell. But that world is totally different. There I am free to do anything. I am free to say anything and blame anyone. I like living that life but I am paying alot for that life. Not in terms of money but everything else. Everything else. My friends.. My parents… My respact… Life… Everything.

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About BlueHarry

going through the hardest part of life. lost in time.
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